Posts

Butterflies

I'm finding the closer I get to complete freedom, the more eager I am to get on with what's next. The other day a friend said it sounded like I'm in a holding pattern just waiting to get my wheels off the ground. That was a good analogy, and that's exactly how I feel. It feels like I've been in this holding pattern for quite a while, and now that I'm so close to taking off, I'm more than ready to go. There's still a few things left to do, like sale the house, pack up, and move, but it's getting there. Of course we never know if we're really ready until things are all said and done.  I remember Martha Beck talking about how when caterpillars go into their cocoon they soon dissolve into a liquid state and their DNA rearranges itself completely. Then, when the time is right, they break out of the cocoon transformed into a butterfly. So, they completely dissolve their old self and transform into something completely new. And that something new has

My Attic

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I think of all the things I've learned in life, the most important one is to follow my intuition. It seems like such a basic concept... if something feels right go with it, if it feels wrong don't. However, I've found, as I'm sure we all have, it's not as simple as all that. I think that's partly because sometimes we don't have enough information about the situation, we end up in situations where we have to make quick decisions, we don't take the time to go off alone and search our soul for the right answer, and we give in to social and cultural pressures instead of doing what our instincts are telling us to do. When I look back on my life I can see I've done all of these things, even when something in my gut was telling me to slow down and think things through first. I also know there's been many times I've looked around at society and culture and known something was wrong, but didn't have the words or voice to express it. Whenever this

Warm With You

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Recently I was listening to a podcast on relationships, which I do often since I coach people in this area. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is; romantic, parent or child, work related, or relationships within an organization (such as a church),   we're destined to always be in one, one way or another. So unless we head off into the wilderness alone as they do in the series Alone , relationships will be a big part of our lives making it important to have and maintain healthy ones. What each of us want in a relationship is different for everyone, however, there's a few things that should be present in every relationship such as; empathy, dependability, trust, and reciprocity. This particular podcast added one more thing to this list and after thinking it through, I feel like this is the key ingredient! They were talking about what to look for in a person as your deciding on whether to let them into your life or keep them in your life, and what they felt was mos

You Ain't Gotta Pray For Me

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The first time I heard  But Daddy I Love Him by TSwift It seemed kind of dramatic . However listening to it again... and again (anyone who is a swiftie knows that you need to listen to a song over and over to catch the story... and then you listen to it at least 100 more times because you probably relate to it, and most likely love it๐Ÿ˜) And I did both. It's a story about a girl who's in love with a boy that, not only her family, but the entire town doesn't approve of. Despite this, she stands her ground and rebels against everyone trying to keep her from the life she wants. She pretty much tells everyone to go to hell because it's her choice, and if all they want for her is a sub-standard life then she's not listening. Eventually they all come around by seeing a different perspective and are happy to welcome her boy into the family. It ends with a marriage and her dancing in the sun knowing she knew what she was doing all along.  This hit me hard. Not just because

Let It Go

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Leaving a place you've been for over 25 years is surreal. And it's not just leaving a marriage, it's leaving a home, memories, all that's familiar. I always knew this transition would be hard... the girls growing up and moving on, but I never expected it to be like this. I pictured us staying together, and when the girls came back, they would feel like they were coming home. Now I'm leaving, and although my youngest is heading off to college soon, I'm wanting a place that they can come "home" to, but wonder if it will ever feel like that to them again... or to me.  I'm also realizing our new situation is now something everyone is going to know about. I honestly don't care if people know... divorce happens, things change sometimes, and it's definitely for the best, however, I also realize it's awkward, sad, and hard on a lot of people. It's something I can't control and I have a hard time with that. I always want everyone to be

So Long

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This is it, another few weeks and it's done. I'm moving out and moving on. It's what needs to happen but the reality of it is hitting me hard. Although the marriage was over years ago, I now wonder if it had ever really begun... I'm guessing there was something there in the beginning or we wouldn't have gotten married, and I remember the good times, how close we seemed, and thinking we were meant to be together... of course we were, weren't we ?  Although, how can you be that close to someone one minute and then completely forget them the next when something better comes along? How can you just leave them behind without even a glance? And how can you not show one shred of emotion when what they're in need of is love and compassion? Now I'm left wondering what the hell happened and seeing that, for at least half of the time, if not more, I was completely left out of it... left out of my own marriage, how does that even happen? And then looking back at th

A Brand New Day

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It's been a long time coming, and I'm still not out of the woods yet (I must have Taylor Swift lyrics on my mind with her new album coming out at Midnight! ), but I feel like I can finally  see light at the end of the tunnel after a few hard, hard years. I've learned more these last few years than I think I have in my entire life, and although, I realize things will never be perfect, I think I understand now what it takes to create the life that was meant for us and have the freedom to live it. Speaking of Taylor's new album, as I've said in previous posts, I always wonder how it's going to relate to my life right now. In the past, almost all of them have felt like the playlist for my life at the time, so I'm curious to hear this new one. I know the titles of some of the songs are already hitting a nerve, one of which is called I Can Change Him (No I Really Can)...  Just the title is already relating to a lesson I've learned recently, and not with just