Welcome to the Daylight

Twilight As I approach the end of this year, I’m increasingly aware that it marks not just the conclusion of the holiday season, but a significant transition in my own life. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve finally found myself in a new place, ready to start a new chapter. It’s both exciting and daunting. I’m eagerly looking forward to launching Daylight Coaching and can’t wait to see where this journey leads me. Yet, stepping into the unknown is never easy. One thing that has helped me navigate this transition is taking time to count my blessings this holiday season. First and foremost are my girls, for whom I am profoundly grateful. Although I miss my little ones, it’s been a joy to witness who they are becoming and to see our relationship evolve in a new way. Many of you can relate: watching your children grow and leave the nest is challenging, but as I get used to it, I’m pleasantly surprised by how rewarding this new dynamic can be. I’m also thankful for my family and the clos...

You Can Blame It On Me Now that I've been on my own for a little while, my mind inevitably drifts back through everything that’s unfolded over the past few years. I expected this reflection would happen eventually; I just didn’t think it would come so soon. I suppose I was in survival mode for so long that I didn’t have the bandwidth to process it all. Now that I finally have some space, the reality of it is hitting me, and it feels a bit overwhelming. Looking back over the last decade, it’s clear that so much has happened—not only in the past few years but across the entire ten-year span. I faced cancer, left the Mormon Church, recovered from a car accident, earned a Master’s degree, and navigated a divorce after 28 years of marriage. That’s a lot to handle, to say the least. While I’m relieved to be in a place where I can catch my breath, I know it will take time to make sense of it all and find peace again. As I reflect on these years, I can see that some events were completely ...

Home I was right—once things started to pick up, time flew by. In the past month, we signed divorce papers, sold our house, packed up, and moved. While everything went smoothly, anyone who has sold a house knows it can be incredibly nerve-wracking. Preparing the home for sale, getting it listed, being ready to tidy up and leave at a moment’s notice for showings, hoping it sells before the holidays, finding a new place to move, packing everything up… it’s a whirlwind. In my case, I also needed to find somewhere to move before the closing date, allowing me to clean out the old house and head straight to the new one, all before I had the funds from the sale for a down payment. Watching everything fall into place felt miraculous, and it’s comforting to know that a young, lovely couple bought the house and will surely cherish it as much as I did. The hardest part was leaving the home where I had spent 20 years—where my girls grew up and where I spent most of my time. I loved that small, coz...

Butterflies I’m finding that as I approach complete freedom, my eagerness to move on to the next chapter intensifies. A friend recently described my situation as being in a holding pattern, waiting to get my wheels off the ground. That analogy resonates deeply with me; it feels like I’ve been circling for quite some time, and now that I’m on the verge of taking off, I’m more than ready to soar. There are still a few tasks left—selling the house, packing up, and moving—but I can see the finish line. Of course, we never truly know if we’re ready until everything is finalized. I recall Martha Beck discussing how caterpillars, when they enter their cocoons, dissolve into a liquid state as their DNA completely rearranges. Eventually, when the time is right, they emerge transformed into butterflies—having completely shed their old selves to become something entirely new, complete with wings. It’s challenging not to feel impatient when you’ve been waiting for change and improvement. Over the ...

You Ain't Gotta Pray For Me The first time I heard “But Daddy, I Love Him” by Taylor Swift, it seemed a bit dramatic. Yet, after listening to it again and again—because any Swiftie knows that you need to immerse yourself in a song to grasp its full narrative—I found myself relating deeply to its story. It portrays a girl madly in love with a boy whom not only her family but the entire town disapproves of. Despite the opposition, she stands her ground, rebelling against anyone trying to dictate her life choices. She makes it clear that if they want her to settle for a life devoid of love, she’s not listening. Ultimately, they come around, seeing things from her perspective, and the story culminates in a joyful marriage, with her dancing in the sunlight, knowing she made the right choice all along. This hit me hard—not just because of the story, but also as a metaphor for the struggle of pleasing societal norms rather than following one’s heart. Lately, as I’ve shared my news about t...

Let It Go Leaving a place that has been my home for over 25 years feels surreal. It’s more than just ending a marriage; it’s about saying goodbye to a home filled with cherished memories and familiar comforts. I always understood that this transition would be challenging, especially as the girls grow up and begin their own journeys. Yet, I never anticipated it would be this profound. I envisioned us staying connected, with the girls returning to a place that felt like home. Now, as I prepare to leave, I find myself grappling with a bittersweet reality. My youngest is off to college soon, and I yearn for a space where they can always feel at home. But I can’t help but wonder—will it ever truly feel that way for them again? Or for me? I'm coming to terms with the fact that our new situation is something everyone will soon be aware of. Honestly, I don’t mind if people know—divorce happens, life changes, and this is definitely for the best. Still, I recognize that it’s awkward, sad, an...

So Long London This is it—just a few more weeks, and it’s done. I’m moving out and moving on. While I know this is what needs to happen, the reality of it is hitting me hard. Although the marriage ended years ago, I find myself questioning whether it ever truly began. I remember the good times in the beginning, and thinking we were meant to be together. But were we really? How can you act like you're completely invested in the relationship one moment and then completely toss it aside when something “better” comes along? How can you leave without even a backward glance? How can someone lack the compassion to provide the love that’s so obviously needed during the hard times? For at least half of our time together, I felt completely left out—excluded from my own marriage. How does that even happen?  I know it's time to go but it's hard to just walk out the door of the house I've lived in for nearly 20 years—the home where my girls grew up, where I read with them, cuddled t...

A Brand New Day Spring is here, and for the first time in a long while, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel after several incredibly challenging years. In just a few more months, I’ll be able to move forward. I’ve learned more during these past few years than I ever imagined possible, and it feels as though God has been teaching me one lesson after another. I trust that all of this is preparing me for what lies ahead, and I’ve learned to rely on those lessons when life gets difficult and I need to find a new way forward. One lesson I’ve learned recently is that I can’t save everyone. While trying to keep my own head above water, I’ve also had people in my life who needed extra support. I don’t mind helping others—in fact, I believe it’s important to be there when someone needs encouragement. But I’m learning that we can’t keep others from drowning when we’re barely staying afloat ourselves. My instinct has always been to drop everything to make sure everyone else is ok...

Let Your Heart Hold Fast Letting Go Amidst all the chaos in my life right now, I was pleasantly surprised by how well Christmas turned out. Knowing this was our last Christmas in this house, and all together, I wanted it to be special and end on a positive note. However, given our circumstances, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. So, when I spent most of Christmas morning with just the girls I felt incredibly grateful. It was not only enjoyable but also offered a glimpse into what next year might look like with just the three of us, not only on Christmas morning but throughout the year. I know there will come a time when they’ll meet someone and start families of their own, but until then, I’m going to savor every moment we have together. Having our last Christmas as just us felt like a true gift. When my oldest daughter graduated nearly four years ago, I secretly hoped she wouldn’t find a significant other until after my youngest graduated four years later. I wanted her to date and enj...