You Can Blame It On Me

You Can Blame It On Me

Now that I've been on my own for a little while, my mind inevitably drifts back through everything that’s unfolded over the past few years. I expected this reflection would happen eventually; I just didn’t think it would come so soon. I suppose I was in survival mode for so long that I didn’t have the bandwidth to process it all. Now that I finally have some space, the reality of it is hitting me, and it feels a bit overwhelming.

Looking back over the last decade, it’s clear that so much has happened—not only in the past few years but across the entire ten-year span. I faced cancer, left the Mormon Church, recovered from a car accident, earned a Master’s degree, and navigated a divorce after 28 years of marriage. That’s a lot to handle, to say the least. While I’m relieved to be in a place where I can catch my breath, I know it will take time to make sense of it all and find peace again.

As I reflect on these years, I can see that some events were completely out of my control, while others were decisions I made—like leaving the church and getting a divorce. Neither choice was easy, and if you’ve read my earlier posts, you know the struggles I faced. These were monumental decisions that brought about significant changes in my life. Despite the challenges, I’m proud of myself for making those tough calls instead of opting for the easier path. I believe God is proud of me too for taking the reins of my own life.

My Coach—what I affectionately call him—has been there guiding me through this journey, reminding me to listen to my intuition, stay calm, and take it slow. I see now how he didn’t just swoop in to rescue me; he taught me how to rescue myself. Sometimes we mistakenly believe we need a knight in shining armor to come and take care of us, but the truth is, the power lies within us. While we need love and support from others, these past few years have reinforced that we are the heroes of our own lives.

As I move forward, I’m uncertain about where I’m headed. I’m grateful to be in a new place, yet I miss my old home. I look forward to the future, but I know it will take time to let go of the past. I now have confidence in my ability to live my own life, even as I feel a certain fear of the unknown. What I do know is that whatever comes next will be entirely on my terms.

So good or bad, as I jump in the driver's seat and and ask my wing man, "Where we off to, Coach?" I'm proud to say whatever happens, You Can Blame It On Me...



"By the way, piece by piece, I found out my hero's me..."









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