Welcome to the Daylight

This Will Be Our Year I have to admit, while it’s often sad to see a year come to an end, I’m genuinely happy to bid farewell to this one and welcome the next. Surprisingly, despite my meltdown back in June when I realized I’d have to endure my current situation for another year, the last six months have flown by. Now, I’m looking forward to the New Year, filled with hope that it will mark a turning point and the beginning of a new chapter in my life. In the meantime, I’m savoring the Christmas season and recently kicked it off with a trip to Disney World with my sister, my niece, and my daughter for a pre-graduation celebration. It was a blast! Traveling with just the four of us was perfect; it was refreshing not to wrangle little kids (as adorable as they are). We enjoyed the freedom of exploring the parks at our own pace, coming and going as we pleased. We felt quite accomplished planning the trip, picking up the rental car, navigating to and from the parks each day, and making it b...

Pieces I suppose everyone, at some point, looks back on their life and realizes it hasn’t turned out the way they envisioned. I often find myself pondering where it all went wrong. My childhood, while not perfect, was decent, so I can’t place the blame there. After high school, I did what was recommended by my culture; got married, had kids, and finished my college degree. It all seemed to align perfectly—it was exactly what I was supposed to do. But at just 23, I think I was too young to truly know myself, what I needed, or what I truly required in a relationship. Now, 28 years later, I’m left picking up the pieces of a shattered life, and wondering how to fix it. Knowing what I wish I had understood back then makes me desperate to go back and redo it all. Yet, we know that’s impossible. Instead, I feel a pressing need to make things right by grasping for the aspects of myself that now define who I am. I’ve always had a good sense of my identity, but my instinct has often been to push...

Wide Awake Clearly, it takes time to fully awaken and I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent much of my life wondering what’s really going on around here—what’s real and what’s not, or perhaps more accurately, who is real. Throughout my life, I’ve tried to see beyond the surface, questioning why some people didn’t seem to be themselves most of the time and why we often felt the need to put on a show. Now that I’ve lived long enough, I understand that, for the most part, this behavior is a protective mechanism—a way to avoid getting hurt, to fit in, to meet our needs, and simply to survive. However, I also realize that if we continue down this path, we’ll never truly embrace who we are, discover our true purpose, or find the people who genuinely understand and support us. It’s impossible to achieve this while constantly comparing ourselves to others, doing what they do, or worrying about whether we should follow their lead. Believe me, I’ve spent plenty of time caught in that cycle mys...

The Lakes Do you ever have one of those days... or weeks... or months... or even years... when you're just done with life as it is? You find yourself glancing at your watch (or up at God) and wondering, “How much longer?” How many more days must I endure before it’s over? How many more difficult people do I have to deal with until I can be free? When can I finally relax without the stress, pressure, and expectations of society—the feeling that I should be doing more or at least fitting in? This is how I’ve been feeling lately—like I don’t belong in this world of busyness, perfection, and chaos. But don’t worry; I’m not sharing this from a place of deep depression or despair. It’s more of a long sigh, and I can’t help but wonder how many others feel the same way. If we all gathered together, would most of us share this sentiment? What if those of us who feel this way could move to an island together? Or even better, a lakeside village. There, we could rest, relax, live in peace, and...

Pocket of Sunshine I suppose I should have known by now that nothing worth fighting for ever comes easy. Now that I finally feel ready to move on and have grown accustomed to being on my own, I’ve discovered that I won’t be able to officially divorce until next year. For reasons not worth discussing, I have no choice in this matter. When I learned this, I was devastated. Last year was already a struggle, and now I have to figure out how to navigate another one. The silver lining is that my daughter’s last year of high school won’t be disrupted, so for her sake, I’ll make the best of it. Since then, I’ve had to rethink my situation. Even though I’m stuck for a little while longer, I can’t pretend everything is fine. I know I need to maintain my boundaries and reclaim my space. I felt God urging me to think outside the box, take control of what I can, and fight to preserve all I’ve accomplished so far. With this in mind, I moved all my belongings into my office, where I now spend most of...

Time After Time Now that it's getting closer to the end, I'm finding there's much to do in order to be prepared. I’m working diligently to get my finances in order and separate and organize assets. I also finished my Master Degree and have started a coaching business called Daylight Coaching. Once I know what I need to do, I have a tendency to dive right in. Yet, as we all know, things often take longer than we expect. Throughout my life, I’ve learned that it must be God’s timing or it simply won’t work. Whenever I feel anxious, desperate, or a sense of urgency to rush the process, I remind myself to slow down. This reminder came to me in a profound way when Pink’s version of "Time After Time" popped up while I was scrolling through YouTube. There’s likely a logical reason for its appearance, but it often seems that the perfect song shows up just when I need it. I listened to it, and the lyrics that resonated with me were, “Sometimes you picture me, I’m walking to...

Where the Shadow Ends Moving Forward Happy New Year!  I can hardly believe another year has come and gone, but I have to say, I’m relieved this year is finally over. It’s been tough, and I’ve been counting down the days until its end, eagerly anticipating a fresh start. That said, now that the new year has begun, I find myself a bit nervous about what lies ahead. With this awareness, and after reading Martha Beck's book, The Way of Integrity, I’m trying to embrace her advice to stop resisting change. She states, “If we resist, we still lose things, but we don’t let good things be born. When we stop resisting and allow the ebb and flow of life, grief comes in, and a new birth happens. Then we discover an amazing world that we never knew existed.” I want to find that world. I want to be authentically myself, live my values, utilize my talents, share my gifts, and surround myself with people who appreciate these qualities in me. I also long to be around those who are eager to reveal t...