Where The Shadow Ends

Happy New Year! 

I can't believe another year has come and gone, however, I have to say, I'm glad this year is over with. It's been rough and I feel like I've been counting down the days until it's ending and looking forward to a new beginning. Although, I have to say, now that the new year has begun, I'm a little nervous at what lies ahead. This past year I've realized, as I've mentioned before, that some big things need to change in my life, one of which is my marriage. I'm shocked and heart broken about this and wouldn't have chosen this myself. I've been married 27 years and assumed we'd be together forever, however, I can see now that it's not working anymore and it's time to go our separate ways. It's not official yet, but I know now that it's inevitable and for the best. I'm not sure how it's all going to work out and I'm terrified of the unknown, however, I know these changes need to happen in order for me to live life the way I want to live.

With all of this awareness I'm trying to take Martha Beck's advice and not resist the change. She says, "If we resist we still lose things, but we don't let good things be born. When we stop resisting and allow the in and out of the tides of life, grief comes in and a new birth happens. Then we find an amazing world that we never knew existed."   I want to find that world. I want to be able to be me, I want to live my values, use my talents, share my gifts, and be around people who love and value these things about me. And I want to be around those that want to show themselves to me too. That might be a lot to ask, but after all I've learned this past year from Martha about The Way of Integrity being the only way to true peace and happiness, I'm willing to take that leap of faith, and I've found that as I continue to make small turns in the right direction... it works. I think it's just these last final steps of letting go of what's not working that is going to be hard... really hard.

I do, however, feel it's time. As hard as this last year has been, I have learned a lot about myself, people, letting go of control, standing my ground, following my inner compass, and trusting God. I dare say, I have learned more in this past year than I have learned my entire life. Martha says, "Never more than when we're drowning are we learning." If that's the case then I have learned much this past year. As I said, I feel as though I'm ready for the final stretch, although, only God knows if I'm completely ready. In the meantime, I'll continue to learn, focus on the inner peace that guides me, mourn what I'm leaving behind, and look forward to what lies ahead Where The Shadow Ends...

“Underneath the roaring of the storm, I can hear the breaking of the dawn...”









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