Moving Forward

With all the chaos that's going on in my life right now I was kind of surprised at how well Christmas turned out. I knew this would be our last Christmas here, in this house, with all four of us together, so I wanted it to be a good one so we could end on a good note, however, given the situation we're in, I didn't get my hopes up. So when I was able to spend most of Christmas morning with just the girls (Nolan had a headache and stayed in bed for most of the morning), I was very grateful. It was not only fun, but it gave me a peek into what next year might be like with just the three of us... not only on Christmas morning, but all the time. I know they'll come a time when they meet someone and have families of their own, but until then I'm going to savor every bit of time we get to spend together just the three of us. 

Actually having our last Christmas with just our family was also a gift. When my oldest daughter graduated almost 4 years ago, I secretly prayed that she wouldn't meet a significant other until after my youngest graduated 4 years later. I mean, I wanted her to date and have fun of course, but I was really hoping she wouldn't meet anyone she'd want to join us Christmas morning so we could spend our last few years together, just our family. So my prayer had been answered with this too and I was filled with awe at how things can turn out so much better than you think. 

The rest of the holiday week went well, and although I was looking forward to the New Year, when it came time to take the tree down I couldn't quite do it... I just couldn't get myself to take the first ornament off the tree. So I took a bunch of pictures, took some video, sat in front of it for what seemed like forever, and tried to take it all in knowing this would be the last time it would be up in this house... it's been a light in our home at Christmastime for almost 20 years, and we've loved having it here. So I sat there waiting to feel ready, and then I realized I was never going to feel that way... I'll never quite be completely ready to move on, so I had to just do it, take the first step... ready or not. So I did. I took the first ornament off, then the second, and so forth, and as I went along taking down the tree, the other decorations, boxing them up, and putting them away, I felt lighter. By the time I was all done I was actually looking forward to moving on.

My oldest gave me a calendar for Christmas and so beautifully painted small pictures to glue onto it representing each month. Once this past year was put away, I took out my lovely calendar and looked through the coming year. I have no idea what this next year will bring. There's going to be so many changes and I still don't know if I'm ready. I do know, however, that this is what needs to happen in order for my life to be what it needs to be and for me to be happy, find love, support, and purpose. So as I flipped it back to January and began filling it in, I took a deep breath and thought, "Here's to 2024... here's to new beginnings... and here's to Moving Forward..."

"I found hope when hope was dead…”