Connection

Recently I listened to a Martha Beck podcast on fawning... it's part of the 5 trauma responses; fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or flop. These are things we do unconsciously to keep us safe when we're faced with a conflict. Fawning is, "where a person behaves in a people-pleasing way to avoid conflict and establish a sense of safety." After I listened to it, I thought, "I don't really do that, except maybe in my marriage to avoid conflict, but I think that's it." Of course the minute I said this I had an instance at work... I've been working as an RBT (Registered Behavioral Technician) and ran into some miscommunication problems between me, a supervisor, and a parent. I'm sure there's been times I've unintentionally caused some communication problems, however, this time it wasn't me and I found myself in a position where I either had to stand up for myself, or throw myself under the bus. Since reading Martha Beck's book, The Way of Integrity, several years ago and now listening to this podcast on people pleasing, I knew I had to somehow stick with my integrity, which was standing up for myself, so I did. Until the end when, I felt uncomfortable and knew that if I just said I was sorry for the misunderstanding, it would smooth things over, so I apologized. Yuck! It's bad enough when other people throw you under the bus, but throwing yourself under the bus... or letting yourself be thrown under the bus is inexcusable! Besides the fact that, did I mention, I just said I rarely fawn. 

This has inspired me to get out Martha's book again and read it. I definitely need a reminder to stick to my own integrity No Matter What! My favorite quote in Martha's book is, "Peace is your home, integrity is your way to it, and everything you long for will meet you there." Mmmm, I want peace.... and I want everything that I long for, so here we go. I distinctly remember Martha saying that once you decide to do this... tell the truth, be your true self, and live by your own values, life will get harder for awhile, you may have to stand alone, and some people might not like you. However, once your on your own path, the people who don't like you for it will fall away, leaving room for the people who DO like you, AND respect you for it!

Along with beginning The Way of Integrity again this month, I've also began another book that I bought myself for Valentines Day called The 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty is a life coach, has his own podcast, lived as a Vetic monk, wrote Live Like A Monk, and is a beautiful person. I read many good relationship books in my relationship coaching class, but I'm excited to read a new one, especially from Jay. I'm hoping that both of these books will help me get back into my integrity and stop my people pleasing once and for all. After all, how can I connect to the people I want to connect with if I'm not always being myself, respecting myself, telling the truth, and in line with my own inner compass. I know I'll never be perfect, but I'm happy that I'm at least more aware and trying to follow the path that will lead me to peace and the Connections I'm looking for...

"Maybe I should try to find the old me, take me to the places and the people that know me..."






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