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Photograph

Photograph Coming Home A year and a half later, everything was going well. My youngest daughter was living with me and attending college, while my oldest lived nearby and was finishing her studies. I was working part-time and devoting myself to Daylight Coaching. It felt healing to pursue my own hopes and dreams without the constant dread of uncertainty. Although it took time to emerge from survival mode and release my body’s instinctive flight-or-freeze response, I gradually began to embrace the reality that I was finally safe. One evening, as I was settling in, a message appeared on my phone. To my surprise, it was from My Ryan—he had started following my Daylight Coaching Instagram page. I hadn’t heard from him in thirty years. Although he had often crossed my mind over the years, I knew very little about his life, other than the fact that he had married, had children, and later divorced. Seeing him appear on my page was surprising—and a little exhilarating. I considered messaging h...
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Twilight

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Twilight As I approach the end of this year, I’m increasingly aware that it marks not just the conclusion of the holiday season, but a significant transition in my own life. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve finally found myself in a new place, ready to start a new chapter. It’s both exciting and daunting. I’m eagerly looking forward to launching Daylight Coaching and can’t wait to see where this journey leads me. Yet, stepping into the unknown is never easy. One thing that has helped me navigate this transition is taking time to count my blessings this holiday season. First and foremost are my girls, for whom I am profoundly grateful. Although I miss my little ones, it’s been a joy to witness who they are becoming and to see our relationship evolve in a new way. Many of you can relate: watching your children grow and leave the nest is challenging, but as I get used to it, I’m pleasantly surprised by how rewarding this new dynamic can be. I’m also thankful for my family and the clos...
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You Can Blame It On Me

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You Can Blame It On Me Now that I've been on my own for a little while, my mind inevitably drifts back through everything that’s unfolded over the past few years. I expected this reflection would happen eventually; I just didn’t think it would come so soon. I suppose I was in survival mode for so long that I didn’t have the bandwidth to process it all. Now that I finally have some space, the reality of it is hitting me, and it feels a bit overwhelming. Looking back over the last decade, it’s clear that so much has happened—not only in the past few years but across the entire ten-year span. I faced cancer, left the Mormon Church, recovered from a car accident, earned a Master’s degree, and navigated a divorce after 28 years of marriage. That’s a lot to handle, to say the least. While I’m relieved to be in a place where I can catch my breath, I know it will take time to make sense of it all and find peace again. As I reflect on these years, I can see that some events were completely ...
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Home

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Home I was right—once things started to pick up, time flew by. In the past month, we signed divorce papers, sold our house, packed up, and moved. While everything went smoothly, anyone who has sold a house knows it can be incredibly nerve-wracking. Preparing the home for sale, getting it listed, being ready to tidy up and leave at a moment’s notice for showings, hoping it sells before the holidays, finding a new place to move, packing everything up… it’s a whirlwind. In my case, I also needed to find somewhere to move before the closing date, allowing me to clean out the old house and head straight to the new one, all before I had the funds from the sale for a down payment. Watching everything fall into place felt miraculous, and it’s comforting to know that a young, lovely couple bought the house and will surely cherish it as much as I did. The hardest part was leaving the home where I had spent 20 years—where my girls grew up and where I spent most of my time. I loved that small, coz...
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Butterflies

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Butterflies I’m finding that as I approach complete freedom, my eagerness to move on to the next chapter intensifies. A friend recently described my situation as being in a holding pattern, waiting to get my wheels off the ground. That analogy resonates deeply with me; it feels like I’ve been circling for quite some time, and now that I’m on the verge of taking off, I’m more than ready to soar. There are still a few tasks left—selling the house, packing up, and moving—but I can see the finish line. Of course, we never truly know if we’re ready until everything is finalized. I recall Martha Beck discussing how caterpillars, when they enter their cocoons, dissolve into a liquid state as their DNA completely rearranges. Eventually, when the time is right, they emerge transformed into butterflies—having completely shed their old selves to become something entirely new, complete with wings. It’s challenging not to feel impatient when you’ve been waiting for change and improvement. Over the ...
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You Ain't Gotta Pray For Me

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You Ain't Gotta Pray For Me The first time I heard “But Daddy, I Love Him” by Taylor Swift, it seemed a bit dramatic. Yet, after listening to it again and again—because any Swiftie knows that you need to immerse yourself in a song to grasp its full narrative—I found myself relating deeply to its story. It portrays a girl madly in love with a boy whom not only her family but the entire town disapproves of. Despite the opposition, she stands her ground, rebelling against anyone trying to dictate her life choices. She makes it clear that if they want her to settle for a life devoid of love, she’s not listening. Ultimately, they come around, seeing things from her perspective, and the story culminates in a joyful marriage, with her dancing in the sunlight, knowing she made the right choice all along. This hit me hard—not just because of the story, but also as a metaphor for the struggle of pleasing societal norms rather than following one’s heart. Lately, as I’ve shared my news about t...
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Let It Go

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Let It Go Leaving a place that has been my home for over 25 years feels surreal. It’s more than just ending a marriage; it’s about saying goodbye to a home filled with cherished memories and familiar comforts. I always understood that this transition would be challenging, especially as the girls grow up and begin their own journeys. Yet, I never anticipated it would be this profound. I envisioned us staying connected, with the girls returning to a place that felt like home. Now, as I prepare to leave, I find myself grappling with a bittersweet reality. My youngest is off to college soon, and I yearn for a space where they can always feel at home. But I can’t help but wonder—will it ever truly feel that way for them again? Or for me? I'm coming to terms with the fact that our new situation is something everyone will soon be aware of. Honestly, I don’t mind if people know—divorce happens, life changes, and this is definitely for the best. Still, I recognize that it’s awkward, sad, an...
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