Let It Go

Let It Go

Leaving a place that has been my home for over 25 years feels surreal. It’s more than just ending a marriage; it’s about saying goodbye to a home filled with cherished memories and familiar comforts. I always understood that this transition would be challenging, especially as the girls grow up and begin their own journeys. Yet, I never anticipated it would be this profound. I envisioned us staying connected, with the girls returning to a place that felt like home. Now, as I prepare to leave, I find myself grappling with a bittersweet reality. My youngest is off to college soon, and I yearn for a space where they can always feel at home. But I can’t help but wonder—will it ever truly feel that way for them again? Or for me?

I'm coming to terms with the fact that our new situation is something everyone will soon be aware of. Honestly, I don’t mind if people know—divorce happens, life changes, and this is definitely for the best. Still, I recognize that it’s awkward, sad, and difficult for many. It’s something beyond my control, and that’s hard for me to accept. I’ve always wanted everyone to be happy, so it weighs on me to know that this situation is causing pain for others, and I feel powerless to change it.

The other day, I watched Frozen, and I found myself relating to Elsa as she leaves her castle. Alone, confused, and upset, she understands that part of the turmoil is her doing, yet she feels helpless and misunderstood. She tried so hard for all those years to keep everyone happy, and everything under control, however, even then, it still ended up erupting into chaos. But as she gets some distance and begins to let go, everything shifts. She transforms from fear and anxiety to a moment of liberation. While she doesn’t say it outright, she seems to think, "To hell with it". As she lets go of her fears, she begins to realize what she can accomplish now that she’s free from the weight of expectations. 

I can't say I’m quite at that point yet—confident in my own “ice castle” and ready to build a new life. But I know I'm on the right path. Leaving a situation where I couldn’t fully be myself, where I felt uneasy and had to tiptoe around others’ feelings, was necessary. Adjusting to this new life will take time, and I’m sure good things will come as I move forward, but this journey is undeniably challenging.

Yet, I realize that I wouldn’t discover the life I’m meant to live if I didn’t take charge and believe that something better lies ahead. Recently, I stumbled upon an unexpected surprise while exploring the backyard of the house where I'm staying. As I wandered down to the creek that flows behind it, I found a “secret garden” hidden beyond the fence. I was in awe of this hidden treasure nestled right in the heart of a neighborhood! I never would have uncovered it if I hadn’t allowed myself to wander, to be curious, and to trust that there was more out there waiting for me. I simply had to Let It Go...



"No right no wrong, no rules for me... I'm free"




 

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