Welcome to the Daylight

Piece by Piece Coming to terms with the fact that the church is essentially a constructed facade—especially when considering how long this deception has persisted—is mind-blowing. The troubling history of the church is one thing, but realizing that many issues continue today is even more excruciating. During my time in the church, I was largely unaware of these problems, as many members likely are. However, there were other aspects that bothered me, particularly the concept of Priesthood authority. I was fortunate to have supportive Bishops growing up, and my "worthiness" interviews as a teenager were comfortable experiences. One Bishop even advised me to never let a boy pressure me into anything I wasn’t ready for, which I appreciated. He, also, often spoke highly of my dad, trying to convey that he was a good man despite not attending church, which I found thoughtful. Yet, I struggled to understand why God would grant men more power in the church than women. It didn’t add u...

What About Us? A few years later, not much had changed. My husband was often preoccupied with his own interests while I managed everything else. Yet, we still attended church together every week, presenting a united front. We never addressed the reality that he didn’t share my beliefs. He enjoyed the social aspect, so joining me was never an issue. I think, because we went together like all the other families, I avoided confronting the fact that we weren't truly an eternal family; we couldn't be if he didn’t believe. Each week, I tried to suppress those thoughts, but one night, I had a vivid dream that took me to the field behind my parents' house. It was a beautiful summer day, and the field was adorned with wildflowers. I wandered alone in a dress I had worn to church, and the scene felt idyllic. Yet, amidst the beauty, an overwhelming sense of sadness and loneliness enveloped me. I can hardly describe it, but the sobs that welled up forced me awake, and I was relieved to...