Butterflies

I'm finding the closer I get to complete freedom, the more eager I am to get on with what's next. The other day a friend said it sounded like I'm in a holding pattern just waiting to get my wheels off the ground. That was a good analogy, and that's exactly how I feel. It feels like I've been in this holding pattern for quite a while, and now that I'm so close to taking off, I'm more than ready to go. There's still a few things left to do, like sale the house, pack up, and move, but it's getting there. Of course we never know if we're really ready until things are all said and done. I remember Martha Beck talking about how when caterpillars go into their cocoon they soon dissolve into a liquid state and their DNA rearranges itself completely. Then, when the time is right, they break out of the cocoon transformed into a butterfly. So, they completely dissolve their old self and transform into something completely new. And that something new has wings... 

It's hard not to get inpatient when you feel like you've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting for things to change and get better. It feels like I've taken the smallest steps in the last few years, and everything has moved at a snails pace. On the other hand, there have been some huge changes so I'm sure I've needed this time to process, make plans, grow, and prepare. It's still scary thinking about what lies ahead, but I do feel more confident that I can handle it, come what may.

As I learn to be patient, I'm trying to just enjoy the moment. It seems that when life decides to start moving again, things usually speed up pretty quickly so I'm listening to my intuition and trusting God (or the universe, or whoever it is) to tell me when I'm ready for take off. In the meantime, as I sit in this holding pattern, I'm enjoying my favorite time of year, which lately consists of walks through the leaves, pumpkin chai lattes, coloring fall pictures as I relax in the backyard, and painting pumpkins with my girls. Although we're nowhere close to spring I'm also sitting here waiting for Butterflies...

"I came out new all because of you..."




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