Pocket of Sunshine

I guess I should know by now that nothing worth fighting for ever comes easy. Now that I finally feel ready to move on and I'm pretty much used to being on my own, I've found out that I won't be able to get officially divorced until next year. For reasons not worth talking about here, all I can say is I have no choice in the matter. When I found this out I was devastated. I feel like I barely got through last year and now I have to figure out how to get through this next one as well. The only good thing about this is that things won't change that much for my daughter in her last year of High School, so for this reason alone I'll make the best of it. 

Since then I've had to rethink things. Even though I'm stuck for a little while longer, I can't just pretend like everything's fine. I know I need to keep my boundaries and claim my own space, so I felt God telling me to think outside the box, take control of what is in my power, and fight to keep a hold of all I've accomplished so far. With that in mind I moved all my belongings into my office where I now spend the majority of my time. The futon I used as a couch folds down into a bed and the extra dresser now holds my clothes. I bought a chair so I can sit and work, and a sign now hangs above the closet that reminds me that this is MY space... it's calm, cheerful, organized, and looks like me. I'm sure this seems like a small thing, but I haven't had an entire room of my own since I left college and got married... 27 years ago. Not only that, but this has made me realize the importance of claiming control over, not only our spaces, but our own lives. It's too easy for other people to try to take claim, but if we're aware and determined to hang on to who we are and how we want things to go, we can take our power back... even if it's a little bit at a time. This is going to be a long journey, however, I already feel more free now that I've claimed my space, claimed my time, claimed my boundaries, and claimed my path. 

So until I can finally be completely free I'll continue to make small adjustments in the right direction. I'm not going to let anyone tell me what I can and can't do and will continue to pursue the life that's waiting for me. I heard a quote from Taylor Swift the other day and, as usual, recognized how well it in fit with the way I'm feeling right now. When Taylor became famous and quickly realized many people were going to try to control her life, this was her reaction... "As for me, lately I've been focusing less on doing what they say I can't do... and more on doing whatever the hell I want."

"I smile up to the sky... I know I'll be alright..."


 

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