Pocket of Sunshine

Pocket of Sunshine

I suppose I should have known by now that nothing worth fighting for ever comes easy. Now that I finally feel ready to move on and have grown accustomed to being on my own, I’ve discovered that I won’t be able to officially divorce until next year. For reasons not worth discussing, I have no choice in this matter. When I learned this, I was devastated. Last year was already a struggle, and now I have to figure out how to navigate another one. The silver lining is that my daughter’s last year of high school won’t be disrupted, so for her sake, I’ll make the best of it.

Since then, I’ve had to rethink my situation. Even though I’m stuck for a little while longer, I can’t pretend everything is fine. I know I need to maintain my boundaries and reclaim my space. I felt God urging me to think outside the box, take control of what I can, and fight to preserve all I’ve accomplished so far. With this in mind, I moved all my belongings into my office, where I now spend most of my time. The futon I used as a couch folds down into a bed, and an extra dresser now holds my clothes. I bought a chair for working, and a sign hangs above the closet to remind me that this is my space. It’s calm, cheerful, organized, and reflects who I am.

This might seem like a small change, but I haven’t had an entire room of my own since I left college and got married 27 years ago. This experience has underscored the importance of claiming control over not only our spaces but also our lives. It’s easy for others to try to take charge, but if we remain aware and determined to hold onto who we are and how we want things to unfold, we can reclaim our power—even if it’s a little at a time.

While this journey will be long, I already feel freer now that I’ve claimed my space, my time, my boundaries, and my path. Until I can be completely free, I’ll continue to make small adjustments in the right direction. I refuse to let anyone dictate what I can and cannot do; I will pursue the life that’s waiting for me. I recently heard a quote from Taylor Swift that resonated deeply with my current feelings: “As for me, lately I’ve been focusing less on doing what they say I can’t do... and more on doing whatever the hell I want.” This brought on a smile... and a Pocket of Sunshine...

"I smile up to the sky... I know I'll be alright..."


 

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