Welcome to the Daylight

You Make It Feel Like Christmas Merry Christmas! Since my last post, I’ve been focusing on not only appreciating this holiday season but also recognizing the gifts I’ve recently received. If you’ve been following this blog, you know that the past year—or two, or even ten—has been challenging. While things still aren’t exactly where I want them to be, I can see signs of transformation toward something much better. In the meantime, I’m trying to practice patience as everything unfolds, and I was pleasantly surprised to receive what feels like a reward for my efforts. In the past month, I’ve been given not one, but two completely unexpected gifts. The first was tickets to the Taylor Swift Eras Tour, which we soon realized was nothing short of a miracle. Now, don’t get me wrong—it took a lot of work: applying for a Capital One card, pre-registering for Ticketmaster weeks in advance, spending two long days “in queue” waiting to click on the first available seats, and enduring long text chat...

Fight Song/Amazing Grace Recently, I saw a picture pop up on our Google Home that reminded me it’s been ten years since I went through cancer. I remember that Thanksgiving Day at my sister's house vividly. I still had a few radiation treatments to go, but I was done with chemotherapy and grateful to have my taste buds back to enjoy the Thanksgiving dinner. I was also thankful for wigs since my hair was barely half an inch long, and, of course, I was grateful to be there with my beautiful girls. I wanted to take a picture to celebrate moving forward, but I couldn’t find my husband, so I took one with just me and the girls. In hindsight, I think it was better that way, as my marriage wasn’t doing well. Looking back, I realize I had a lot to fight for back then. I had spent the previous year battling for my life, and now I was fighting to regain my physical and mental strength. I knew that if I wanted my marriage to work, I would also have to fight for that. Little did I know that ove...

A Little Bit of Faith This past week, I had an experience with my daughter that reminded me that even when things seem overwhelming, they can always get better. My 17-year-old is truly amazing—beautiful, smart, fun, and kind, just like most daughters. She has been a straight-A student her entire life and has been dancing and cheering since she was three. While excelling academically comes naturally to her, the demands of being on the high school cheer team have taken their toll. She adores the girls and the coaches, but the stress from early morning practices, late-night sessions, and the pressure of competition season became overwhelming. In the months leading up to this, she had expressed her anxiety, often stressing out the night before an early practice. Last Sunday, she reached a breaking point, having a total meltdown over the upcoming Monday morning practice. It was then that I agreed she needed to quit. Although she felt relieved, she continued to cry on and off for the next co...

Rest In Peace With this new perspective of waiting for God to set things in motion, I’ve resolved to stay calm, take life one day at a time, and move forward in peace. Yet the more I try to live this way, the more I notice people who seem to thrive on chaos. I’ve never understood it. When life is already difficult, why intentionally make it harder? Martha Beck says, “We are meant to live in peace,” and I believe that. I understand that life will always bring challenges and circumstances beyond our control, but I’ve learned that things go much more smoothly when we face them with an internal sense of calm and peace. We can’t think clearly when we’re in panic mode, so it makes sense that we’re better able to recognize what to do when we’re calm and rational. This is easier when circumstances are no one’s fault. It becomes much harder when other people are creating the problems. Usually, when I encounter people like that, I quietly slip out the back door and avoid them at all costs. But t...

What I'm Waiting For Sometimes, knowing what needs to change in your life makes waiting for that change the hardest part. I’ve learned that it’s unwise to try to force things to happen on our own. If we wait for God to orchestrate the changes, it often works out better—sometimes even beyond our expectations. Yet, the waiting can be excruciating. At times, we feel as though we can’t endure any more and wonder why nothing is happening. Other times, we question whether God is waiting for us to be ready. It’s been only six months since I realized I needed to leave this unhealthy relationship, and already, I’m struggling to endure it. However, I recognize that this is a significant change, and God understands that I need to be ready and have time to ease into it. I tend to do better when I can see the bigger picture, and it seems God is revealing a new perspective to me at every turn. I sense He is preparing me for something new, and as challenging as it is to accept, I want to embrace ...

Rewrite the Stars Now that clarity is settling in and I'm recognizing that this relationship must end, I find myself reflecting on all the years we've spent together. It wasn’t all bad; we had our moments, and I wouldn’t have stayed married if it had been entirely negative. However, looking back, I realize a big part of it was my sense of solitude within the marriage and, tragically, feeling abandoned isn’t even the primary reason I know it has to end. In recent years, it’s been the devaluation and sense of being discarded that have taken their toll. No one should feel alone in their marriage, and it’s never acceptable to be treated poorly. I refuse to model that kind of relationship for my daughters. I want them to understand what a healthy relationship looks like and recognize when it’s time to walk away. In the past, I let many things slide because I didn’t want my girls to suffer, but they are older now and can comprehend the situation better. It’s time to let go. My younge...

Touch The Sky Clarity Happy New Year, 2022! While I always feel a bit sad to leave the Christmas season behind, I welcome the opportunity for a fresh start. This year already seems more promising than the last few, which is encouraging. I started this blog in 2020, and though it’s taken me a while to catch up, I’m now writing in real time and curious to see where this journey will lead. It’s also been a long road to recover from my concussion after hitting a deer. For the past two years, I’ve dealt with headaches, neck pain, and dizziness, with the longest stretch of relief being just three days. However, I’m thrilled to report that I’ve gone nearly the entire month without any of those symptoms—yay! There were times when I truly wondered if I would ever feel better, so this progress is a real encouragement, reminding me that, yes, things can improve, even if it takes time. On the flip side, other aspects of my life feel uncertain. It’s as if my life is simultaneously coming together a...