What I'm Waiting For

Sometimes when you know what needs to change in your life, waiting for it to happen is the hardest part. I know now that it's not wise to try to make it happen ourselves. It will work out best... probably perfectly... if we wait for God to do it. Even then the waiting is sometimes excruciating. At times we feel like we can't take anymore and wonder why nothing is happening... and other times we wonder if God's waiting for us to be ready. As much as I hate to admit it, this is probably what's taking so long. I don't handle big changes well and God knows I need to ease into things. I do much better once I can see the bigger picture and God, seems to be showing me a new perspective each time I turn a corner. I know He's showing me things and preparing me for something new, and as hard as it is to see and accept, I want to know the truth and what my part is in all of it. Martha Beck talks about how the space of truth is a weirdly relaxing space... it feels safe. As strange as it is, I'm beginning to see that myself. With every truth I see, I feel somehow sad and peaceful at the same time. Sometimes I want to go back to a time when things felt normal and I was happy.... when my girls were little and I was surrounded by innocence, and happiness was found in the simplest of things. Don't get me wrong, things weren't perfect, we had survived lightning and cancer, but in between were the days of pigtails, high pitched giggles, pink milk, Disney Princesses, Strawberry "Kortcake" and little girls curled up on my lap. I miss my little family and doing the little kid stuff. I think that's the space where I do best... I don't like this adult life but I guess we all have to grow up and move on at some point.

Last week I was having a particularly hard day thinking about the past, missing my little family, and feeling like things were slipping through my fingers when I remembered God telling me not too long ago that, "It's not over". I knew He was talking about my life… there more to do and more life to live.  Just like I keep saying, with each new day He gives me a new perspective, and I know if I rush into things it could turn into a mess. I need to take it slow and let things happen naturally. Elizabeth Gilbert says, "Let go and see what God does with it." I think this is good advice, and I can already see that when I do this, things seem to fall into place. I know I've been so lucky to have this time with my girls and I look forward to more time in the future with them. They're the best thing I've ever had, and ever done. I also know in life things change, and seasons come and go, and moving into this new season is especially hard. However, I know that in time things will get better and this new season will bring joys of its own. In the meantime I'll do my best to stay calm, take things slow, and remember, "What I'm Waiting For...

 "You are what I'm waiting for..."






 

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