Rest In Peace

Of course the minute I say that I have been free from worry and living in peace the last few weeks, worry comes knocking on my door and peace goes out the window. I went down to help my mom and dad and decided to mow their lawn, which at this point in the summer with a drought on the loose, is pretty much dead grass and weeds... so what I'm really doing is mowing the weeds. It's frustrating because a few years back my parents payed to have their front yard landscaped, and new grass put in and now it looks like nothing was ever done. Not to mention, the yard of the house just to the side of theirs looks like it has a spring of living waters flowing through it. I'm not sure how this happens when we are in a drought, but I'm trying not to judge😕 As I am mowing the lawn, some guy begins to mow the lawn of that house, drawing attention to the perfectly manicured "greeness" of it and when he was finished the sprinklers went on... at NOON on a 95 degree day... In a drought!!! When the City clearly said that we could not water until after 6:00pm and only on our designated days!!!! As you can see, I was NOT happy. Why were they so entitled to a green lawn when my parents lawn was dying and they were, not only unable to work on it at this time, but they were also obeying the rules. As I mowed the lawn and scowled at the neighbors house, my anger turned to worry... my parents were getting too old to take care of this house and the lawn, and they needed to move, but we would need to sell the house, and before we could do that we would need to get it ready, which meant a complete over haul since it is a really old house. Not to mention, we had other family worries going on, and I was still dealing with my own battles. I began to feel overwhelmed again and panic began to rise. Luckily, due to my newly found emotion regulation skills, I was able to calm down pretty quickly and just started repeating, "The answers will come in the calm." All I need to do right now is finish mowing the lawn and that is helpful. I also remembered that it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing (entitled neighbor) we were doing our part by only watering when we're suppose to, so we could feel good about that. All of this reminded me that change is a process and I'm guessing a life long process. I didn't need to be too hard on myself because this situation that I'm in is hard and frustrating, however, being able to recognize that, but quickly letting it go and giving it to God was progress. 

A few years ago after I had hit that deer and was still in a lot of pain I went out to mow my own lawn and while I was mowing it suddenly hundreds of (or it seemed) Dragonflies started flying around me. It was an incredible sight and after I was finished with the yard I looked up the symbol of a Dragonfly which is this, "In almost every part of the world, the Dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-reflection." I have always said that the day I hit that deer, my life began to spin out of control and is still spinning. But maybe instead of spinning what it's really doing is turning...  turning into something new. I now wonder if that day in the yard with the Dragonflies was really the beginning of my transformation. These last few years have been HARD, but there has defiantly been change.... A LOT of change. I'm grateful that I am finally at a place where I'm beginning to see it and I'm grateful that all along God has been there reminding me that while everything is changing, I can Rest In Peace...  

"Help me realign my focus..."

 






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