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I met my husband in High School and, just like I wanted, found someone who came from a good Mormon family, was planning on going on a mission, and would take me through the temple. He was also cute, fun, funny, and just rebellious enough that he wasn't too religious. We were mostly just really good friends right up until the summer before his mission when we realized we wanted to be more than friends and I said I'd wait for him while he was gone... well, wait and date... isn't that what they call it these days?
After a two year mission to Japan, we dated for another two years before we got married. I think this was part of his rebelliousness that he refused to get married straight off a mission like so many do, however, we can at least tell our girls that we knew each other for a good 5-6 years before we got married! We were married in the Manti Temple, which was 3 hours away, so we put everyone up in a hotel for the night and were married the next day. It was a beautiful September afternoon and all went well except for the fact that my parents didn't have temple recommends because they were inactive, and couldn't go in. So, the good people that they are, drove 3 hours to sit outside a temple while their daughter got married inside without them. Not to mention, there are 5 of us kids and all of us got married in the temple and our parents didn't get to see any of our weddings. Good thing we all had the sense to do a ring ceremony before our receptions. To be honest, I don't really remember what was said in the temple or the ring ceremony, but we were lucky enough to have the ring ceremony and our reception outside at my aunt and uncles backyard by the river so that's what I remember the most... exchanging rings on a beautiful fall afternoon, a wonderful speech given by Nolan's uncle, and a good friend singing our song... just like a real wedding.
We were off to a good start... we had found an apartment, both enrolled in college, and both working to support ourselves. Nolan wanted to be a pilot so he was in the Air Force ROTC and planning on graduating and becoming an officer. Like I said, all was well... until a few months into our marriage when Nolan told me he didn't really believe The Church was true and that he never really had. I don't think it was a big deal to him because he never really believed it, but for me it was huge. I believed it and was looking forward to that "perfect Mormon family" I wanted so badly. I didn't really say much to him except that I didn't want to go to church alone (like my mom) so that if he could at least come to church with me, I would appreciate it. I'm sure I seemed fine on the outside, but on the inside I was completely shaken. We had just gotten married in the temple and now it meant nothing. I really wasn't that mad at him, he couldn't help the way he felt and at least he was being honest, but my dreams had just came crashing down... no perfect Mormon family, no family prayer, no Family Home Evening, no going to the temple as a couple. I suddenly realized I would never truly be completely a part of the church, at least not in the way everyone else seemed to be. None the less I resolved to make the most of it so we continued going to church together, had callings, and tried to become part of the ward.
A few years later, Nolan graduated and we headed off to Pensacola, Florida for Pilot Training. We settled into the Military life and starting going to our new ward. They called us to teach a primary class together as they often do with young couples, however, It was hard to get to know people being in primary so we were having a hard time fitting in and none of his friends in his flight squad were members so that didn't help. He had also taken up Sailboarding and decided Sundays were a good day for that, so seven months into our move to Pensacola, he was sailboarding on Sundays and I was heading off to church to teach our primary class alone. By this point, I felt completely alone. Nolan was busy with Pilot Training, I didn't know anyone at church, I was doing online college from home, and most of Nolan's flight buddies were single, so friends were scarce. Not to mention my family was across the country. I was happy for Nolan and that he was able to pursue his life long dream of flying, but I was nervous that we were drifting apart and that the Military life wasn't for me, and the Mormon life wasn't for him. One especially hard day I broke down and poured my heart out to God. I remember saying I felt like there were black clouds above my head and that I didn't know how to get rid of them. I didn't know what to do so I said that if things didn't change, my plan was to head back home alone where I was at least around family. I left it at that but knew that I couldn't go home anytime soon because Nolan's younger brothers were coming to visit in a few weeks. I didn't want to ruin their trip so I put everything in the back of my mind and began to prepare for their visit. In the meantime God reassured me that I wasn't forgotten and that He was always there for me no matter what happens... little did I know how much that would mean to me in the coming days...
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