A Million Dreams

A Million Dreams

The Beginning

Growing up, I always thought different than the mainstream Mormon and now, reflecting on my upbringing, I understand better why. Although I attended church throughout my childhood, my father never participated, and my mother stopped attending when I was a teenager. My dad, raised in a traditional Mormon home, was active in the Church until graduation when he faced immense pressure to serve a mission, but ultimately chose not to go. This decision resulted in his Bishop mandating classes for individuals looking to quit smoking or drinking, which must have felt deeply hurtful to my dad. He wasn’t doing anything wrong; he simply didn’t want to go. That moment marked a turning point for him, and instead of complying with the Church’s expectations, he chose to walk away.

My mother took me and my four siblings to church when we were young, but by our teenage years, she had also stopped attending. I suspect this was partly due to the challenge of going without my dad, but also because of her personal preferences, like enjoying coffee, which the Church prohibits. As teens, my older sister and I often drove ourselves to church or hitched rides with our grandparents. We never engaged in family prayers, scripture study, or Family Home Evening. Yet, despite this, my childhood felt normal, and my parents remained good people.

One gift of growing up with inactive parents was the freedom to think for myself and make my own choices. This autonomy helped shape my view of God, differing from the teachings I encountered in church. In Primary, I recall the simple messages about Heavenly Father’s love and the importance of emulating Jesus. Reflecting on this, I believe faith should remain that uncomplicated.

As a teenager I attended church regularly and was determined to marry a returned missionary in the temple as all good Mormon girls should. Even though I came from an inactive family, I still believed the Mormon church was God's church and wanted to do everything the right way. I didn’t realize until leaving the Church five years ago how fortunate I was to have been raised in such an environment. At the time, I often felt left out attending church without my parents—who, by the way, had not been married in the Temple. I worried that this meant we wouldn’t be together as a family in heaven because this is what the church teaches. However, in my heart I knew that the God I believed in would find a way to make it right.

Despite not having the ideal Mormon family that others seemed to possess, I held onto the hope that I would create that perfect family in my own future. Little did I know that my path would lead me in a different direction. I began to sense that God was guiding me toward a deeper truth, liberating me to explore a more authentic life, and showing me how Dreams come true not from aspiring to keep rules and high expectations, but from a world of infinite possibilities...

8 Years Old

"They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy..."